Filling your own cup
The terms self-love, filling your own cup, and how a partner is not supposed to be your source of love are terms that I’ve heard several times. However, the actual understanding and embodiment of this teaching is a deep one, that requires you to heal your nervous system and allow the beautiful flow of chi/kundalini/shakti to course through your system, and very being.
The beginning:
When I initially heard this, it came across as saying “self-love” affirmations until you believe it. While that used to work for brief instances, it always felt like way too much effort for me to ever stay consistent with it. After saying it hundreds of times, I would feel a “high” for a brief period that could easily be disturbed by tiny triggers on the outside or would simply wear off within a few minutes. I simply did not have the bandwidth to maintain it. Deep down, this never felt like the answer for me. At the time, I suppose I was looking for a quick fix and did not realize the depth of work it would take to become a tangible reality.
As the journey progressed:
I came across teachers like Eckhart Tolle and David Hawkins who taught concepts like letting go and presence. In the beginning, I understood some of it but was not able to completely integrate the information. A grounded, deep-rooted understanding of the same was missing which took quite a while to develop. I actually think it is one of those things that continues to deepen over time and require constant practice for most individuals. Eventually, I began to understand that self-love is much deeper than just telling yourself mindlessly how much you love yourself. You already do love yourself, which is why you are trying so hard to find the answers and figure all this out. In a sense, you are just trying to reinforce something that you already know. Instead it’s allowing your deeper self to be the source of energy and inspiration that you are seeking, rather than expecting it from external sources, circumstances and people.
Rooting and maintenance:
I’ve come to realize that actually being able to maintain this flow of energy on a consistent basis requires an upgrade of the nervous system. We need to let go of old traumas and fear-based energy that is holding us back and making us unable to maintain that flow. This is where a lot of the spiritual practices such as yoga and meditation come in. Personally, in my journey, mindfulness body-based meditations helped tremendously in providing a safe space for the pain to feel comfortable enough to come out of hiding. Essentially, it’s dissolving the “pain body”, which is a term popularized by Eckhart Tolle. Just relaxing, observing, and allowing the energy to run its course paved the way for a lot of it to be cleared up. This process may take months and years but in retrospect, it is a beautiful process and one of the best things that you can do for yourself. Your thinking naturally becomes more aligned and it enables you to un-entangle psychic knots. It integrates you as a human being and makes life seem more genuine, real, and complete.
